An Internal Battle
As much as I'd wanted this weekend to be a quiet relaxing one, it hasn't turned out that way. Don't get me wrong, I've lounged and napped and done next to nothing in general, but my mind and stomach have been doing cartwheels for days.
The struggle I'm facing is whether I should trust my gut feeling, or if it's been too influenced by emotions. How do you know when you're making the right decision? I suppose it's the outcome that gives you the answer, but this outcome could go catastrophically badly for me. And yet I feel like it's the only solution that I can feel OK about.
One of the most unfortunate side effects of becoming an adult is having to make decisions for yourself, and then dealing with the consequences. I've discussed this with my mum over and over in the last few days, but I know that ultimately the decision lies with me. Where I go from here, my circumstances, how I feel about it, my future all depends on the decision I make.
I feel so conflicted, and yet I know I'm actually not. The churning in my stomach is not from being unsure, but from fear of what comes next. Deep down, I know I've made my decision, and it's the right one for me. I know that the situation I may find myself in isn't an uncommon one; it's almost like a rite of passage in some ways. But I'm still terrified.